MAYBE

As usual, I'm up too late over here in Lithuania. There are probably at least twelve things on my list that should happen before blogging (especially ironic, as I taught a segment on time management to my first years this week), but I had a bit of a realization today: I haven't been doing much that I enjoy recently. My brain is screeching to a grating halt, and it's only week four at LCC. Not writing or reading for pleasure, and not resting enough, for me, is like forgetting to replace the brake fluid in a car....or like loosing the cartilage in my knee caps way too early in life. I'd rather not have knee- or brain-replacement surgery quite yet.

Do you know, I talk a lot about how much I believe in rest, and yet, given the opportunity, I fail miserably at it? Even Jesus, the Son of God, knew when to get in the boat and call it quits. It's part of being fully human, and I'm terrible at it.

Maybe it's a control issue. Maybe it's because I don't really believe that the world won't unravel if I don't get this—this very last thing (followed by nineteen other last-things)—done. Maybe it's because I want to know or be sure of exactly how things will turn out. Maybe I think I can keep up with time, or hold it for just a lick, if I run fast enough.

Are you at all like me?

Maybe not. Maybe you are good at giving up control, and not-knowing, and not-being sure, and not holding all things together.

Then again. You are still reading. Maybe.