BUT WAIT

Hey friends.

I'm reading some good stuff lately and thought I'd share a few stray thoughts while I'm by my computer.

Usually, I'm pretty good with uncertainty. It's okay with me. When people ask me about post-grad plans, it doesn't freak me out—even though I don't have any sort of packaged answer, I'm mainly just excited about all the possibilities. God desires to do his work in and through me (crazy, right?), and that's what keeps me rooted in peace.

This has been a blessing. But more and more, I realize that this trust and peace only lands on particular things in my life, and there are plenty of other areas of uncertainty that are simply terrifying. I don't think I realized that until this week—until I found myself overly wrapped up in anxiety, picking up Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest for some wisdom and just for good reading. Two things I read that struck me:

...what an impertinence worry is! Let the attitude of life be a continual "going out" in dependence upon God, and your life will have an ineffable charm about it which is satisfaction to Jesus. You have to learn to go out of convictions, out of creeds, out of experiences, until so far as your faith is concerned, there is nothing between yourself and God.

--and--

When God brings the blank space, see that you do not fill it in, but wait....Wait for God's time to bring it round and He will do it without any heartbreak or disappointment. When it is a question of the providential will of God, wait for God to move.

Sigh. I suck at waiting.

Sure, I am eager for what God wants to do—but I am also eager for the things I want, now...and I'm pretty good at filling in blank spaces while I pretend to wait. What an impertinence I am to myself! What a way we humans have of breaking our own hearts.

"Going out" in dependence on God without my makeshift crutches feels a bit like perching on a thin tree branch that does not look at all as if it will support my weight. But, while the branch and my stomach waver, there's a definite thrill to it, right? And beneath the thrill, a truth that I am supported by the one who wholly knows who I am and why I am.

Hmm. Nothing between myself and God. I'm working on that.